Apologetic

After my post where I recaptured my student's response over the atheist bus advertisements, I received a surge of attention from various atheist websites and bloggers. With this very small window of attention at my disposal, I could think of no better message to send to so many atheists, than this:

I am sorry.

I am sorry for the oppression: mental, emotional, physical, legal, and spiritual (if you will permit me to use the word in a non-offensive way) that my faith community has put you through.

I am sorry that you have been hunted, persecuted, fought, hastily and unfairly treated. I am sorry that you were never listened to.

I am sorry that I never took the time to listen to your stories, or cared enough to see how my story was impacting you. I am sorry that I allowed my faith to control politics in a way that self destructed government, and imposed upon your, and others', rights.

I am sorry that when you asked me for a reason for my faith, I gave you nothing but ignorant platitudes. I am sorry that when I gave you my best reasons for God, I betrayed the very fabric of his mystery by attempting to capture him in theology, doctrine, and systems.

I am sorry that I have so profoundly misrepresented the man described by the four gospels in the New Testament, I am sorry that I have failed you.

I am sorry that you have to see religious relics every where you go, I am sorry that you have been afforded no voice in the public.

I am sorry that my best attempts to care for you have only botched things up incredibly, I am sorry that when you needed me the most I was cold to you.

I am sorry that I have created a noticeable (please, I mean no harm in saying this) cynicism within you. I am sorry that I have so poorly dialoged with you.

I am sorry that this small post will never make up for the literal thousands of years that the religious have oppressed the non-religious. I am sorry that your honest and straightforward pursuit of truth has been scorned at every turn by those who seem more deluded with their own superiority, than awestruck with having discovered the reality of a thing called "God".

I am sorry that my testimony is unconvincing, as it is laden with hate, cruelty, bigotry, arrogance, and failure.

I am sorry for the crusades. I am sorry for the inquisition. I am sorry for the witch trials. I am sorry for the way we treated Darwin, Galileo, Copernicus, and an infinity of others. I am sorry that we have stifled growth, progress, and human discovery.

I am sorry that we have built monuments to the wealthy instead of homes for the poor, provided temples to the unseen instead of food for the starving, robes for the rulers instead of clothes for the naked. I am sorry that we have used religion as an excuse for wickedness.

I am sorry for the Holocaust. I am sorry for the use of religion to justify violence. I am sorry for 9/11.

I am sorry for the countless people who have been murdered in the middle east due to our blind ignorance, I am sorry for eagerness to take life, instead of preserve it.

I am sorry that I have manipulated, controlled, beguiled, lied, killed, raped, stolen, and blasphemed to maintain my hold on power. I am sorry, that when you needed me most to follow the claims of my Religion, as they are truly presented, I did not.

With perhaps only seconds left of this extraordinary attention my small blog has received, let me say this: I cannot begin to tell you how profoundly sorry I am for the treachery those representing my faith have caused. Had you no other reason not to believe in a deity of some kind, the actions of those who claim to have discovered that deity would be enough to dissuade you, and for that we...I...can only feel ashamed.

I have no ulterior motive here, no secret plan to covert all of you reading this to my wonderful great way of thinking. I wouldn't dare extinguish the richness, the vibrance of your voices that have been so long kept from the ears of the world. I only hope, that somehow despite the anger, despite the betrayal, despite the tyranny I have done to you, you may hear through all that these final words, and know that I mean them with all my heart: I am, I really am, sorry, though I know that alone will never be enough to make up for what I have done.

This apology is overdue.

Getting out of the way of God's Atheist Bus

I recently read an article in the New York Times that explained how Atheists in Britain, with the strong celebrity of Dr. Richard Dawkins at the helm, launched a campaign to preach a godless message across their country via bus advertisements.

I shared the article with my Apologetics students (I'm a teacher at a private school) and asked them to give me their initial thoughts. Most of the kids were filled with outrage. "We should hit back with our own billboards", one yelled. "Yea, and the government shouldn't let Atheists write that kind of stuff anyway, it should be illegal", agreed another.

I kept a blank face while I listened to the students campaign for censorship and more aggressive proselytizing, but in my heart I sighed with discouragement. These kids don't hear anything I say, I thought to myself, despite months of instruction, they still see these issues in only two dimensions. But then, to my great astonishment, one my students bravely put forth a different opinion.

"Well wait a minute", he said with conviction, "haven't we been talking about this all quarter? Before we can just go off half cocked on these ads and the Atheists who put them there, we need to ask ourselves questions about why this is happening in the first place, put ourselves in their shoes." I held my breath as he looked at me for permission to continue his thought, I nodded hiding my excitement.

"Well, what made these people feel it was necessary to put these ads on buses in the first place? Maybe its them who are striking back, at us, not starting a fight or anything. Maybe we started it." A few of the other students began to release furrowed brows as they leaned in to listen. The brave young man continued, "We can't just take aim and fire at them, getting our revenge or shutting them up. Jesus didn't tell us to do that, he told us to see things from their world, take pity on them, even turn the other cheek. And I think if we put ourselves in their shoes, we will understand why they might feel ads like this are necessary. Have you ever thought of how it feels, especially during the holidays, to be bombarded with advertisements talking about the religious reasons for the season? Or how many Christians start flooding their conversations with their christianese and religious verbage that makes zero sense to everyone around them? If I were an Atheist I would be pissed off to no end!"

The students shot a quick glance at me to see how I would respond to the outburst at the end of his explanation, I kept my poker face. Seeing he hadn't gone foul, he continued. "We should feel sad that we make Atheists feel like they need to defend themselves, sad that they are getting aggressive and pushy, because we caused it. We caused it because we made them our enemy after the scopes trial, we made them out to be devils and demons, opposing soldiers in some imaginary culture war. But Christ says our war isn't against flesh and blood, and you don't beat evil with matched aggression, you beat it with love, you beat it by laying down your swords. Fires aren't put out with more fire, they are put out with their opposite, water."

As the students reflected on what was said, they looked at me to measure my approval, which I could no longer fully conceal. With a smile, I held back the excitement in my voice and asked what he would propose Christians do in response to these signs. Sensing my probe for previous lessons in his next answer, he gladly regurgitated whatever he could. "Well" he began, "I would say we shouldn't respond to the intent of the signs, but to what caused them in the first place. We know that its hurt that caused the Atheists to do this, so we need to figure out how that happened, and work hard to fix those relationships. If we really love our neighbor, we should see these ads as a symptom of our broken relationship, not as an attack to be offended at."

He turned and addressed the class as he continued, "And why should we be upset about the message in the first place? The hardest thing in leading people to Christ is to break through their indifference to the 'meaning of life', 'reality of God' stuff anyway. These signs force people to wonder whether or not what they say is true, this practically invites conversation about God, thats the best possible thing that could happen for followers of Christ!"

The room suddenly glowed by the flame of his growing enthusiasm. "Can you imagine how great it would be to stand at a bus stop when one of these things pulls up? Standing next to all those strangers who are tilting their heads reading it, looking around puzzled and all that, how easy would it be to just ask them what they thought, begin a conversation about God's universe with nothing more than a nod and a 'get a load of that'. We should be thanking these guys for making our job easier, for daring the world to wonder about God instead of never stopping long enough to think it through at all. Instead of bursting in with our arguments for God and how much smarter we are than everybody else, we can ask questions and listen to peoples' hearts, hurts, and hell.

We can gently tell them, show them even, that God is real, and does love them. We can even apologize for causing the sign in the first place, and show these people who Christ really was, not the guy who chased people around trying to create a world where nobody thought differently than himself, but loved everybody unequivocally and regardless of their culture or their creed. We can finally say we are sorry for how badly we have misrepresented Christ, we can finally be, finally be...." he stammered trying to think of the right word. "Apologetic", I said, looking him in the eyes.

Suddenly the realization was palpable, the whole room had a new understanding of the subject of my class, and the method that must go behind it in these contentious, and difficult times. He smiled and nodded, then sat down satisfied that the point had been made. I couldn't have been more proud of my student that day, and I can only hope he rises up to become a voice of calm in the storm of ideas that he will face as an adult.

It's rare that a teacher gets to feel he's making a difference in the world. But when I get to hear a 16 year old kid talk like this, hear him blatantly reject the ideas of anger and revenge, to instead choose forgiveness and love, I feel like God has given me a glimpse into a brighter future. I don't think teachers like me bring these sorts of people into the world, I think God does. And since hearing this kid go off like that, my prayer everyday has been that God wouldn't let me get in the way of His revolution, that I wouldn't be the barricade that stops the voice of Christ from spilling out of the mouths of babes, but if I ever am, that He would rip through me without a moments pause.

God is good, my greatest accomplishment in life will have been getting out of His way, and I couldn't be happier than to have a legacy like that.